A Joke Without a Punchline

I’m desperately searching my head for any convenient anecdote, something, anything, that would tee up the punchline for the joke I have in mind. I’m coming close to giving up as I realise there is nothing funny about these small green buds of pure pleasure. Salty, and boy, do I love salt. Complex and compelling. Addictive and moreish.

Notes of Poached Bears?

I’m tempted to stray into the world of wine-tasting in an attempt to pin down their taste profile, spouting some old nonsense about back notes of stale dressing gown or poached bears. In the end, though, I have to say: briny, tangy, vinegary, sour and slightly lemony. Seeing it here in words doesn’t seem enough to describe that special something that punches so far above its weight.

The Caper Bush

But what am I on about? Capers, of course! The buds of Capparis spinosa, the caper bush. Preserved in wine or olive oil and by pickling or salting, they are, in one word, delicious.

Salads and Staple

When it comes to salads, alongside the dressing (something I could write a book about), another non-negotiable is capers. I adore the things. I could hardly contain my glee when I discovered that our local Tesco Metro was selling one of my favourite budget brands for the same price as Sainsbury’s.

Fish with Wings

When it comes to fish, they can even take humble haddock from the reduced section and give it wings. Pan-fry with butter, then add lemon juice and a generous portion of capers at the last minute to see how it elevates the dish. Don’t be mean with them. Be generous with your application and they will pay you back tenfold. Keep a jar in the cupboard for emergencies.

A Mystery in a Jar

The strange thing is, I have no recollection of ever coming across them before they materialised. It’s as if one day they suddenly appeared in my world, perhaps beamed in by some benevolent chef, maybe the work of the caper crusader. I can see him now, underpants outside his chef’s whites.

Before and After

Quite simply, there was a life before the caper and a life after the caper. The how and why remain a mystery. But you must. There is no going back. Once tasted, they will become an obsession, and you’ll never be able to face a “bland” salad without them again. Never. Ever. And I never did get to use the line “comedy cappers.”