Rose in the snow Photo: Andy Blackmore

Growing old is a painful process, yet I accept it’s far better than the alternative. As they ripen, some grow right-wing. Personally, nothing could be further from the truth, however, I am experiencing an equally unpleasant change of viewpoint. Becoming acutely aware something about me has changed, and it’s both physical and metaphysical.

The Moment of Realization

It didn’t happen overnight but I had a Satori moment when it became pin-sharp that I’m not the same photographer I once was. Shots I once took for granted are becoming increasingly difficult to capture, and I also realised I’m not the man I once was.

A New Photography Struggle

I moan, groan and curse, like some straining cankerous photographic Victor Meldrew, internalising “I don’t believe it” as it becomes abundantly clear what was once easy and instinctive is almost impossible to achieve, now time has taken its toll. Nowadays, a combination of motorcycle accidents, arthritis and Aldi clotted cream mean it’s impossible to ricochet around like a hyperactive sprite after “the” shot or those unusual angles.

From Reckless to Restricted

Once upon a time, when film was king or during the dawn of digital, like some reckless mountain goat I’d think nothing of clambering atop a letterbox or shinning a lamppost. Risking kit and karma to get what I wanted.

Aging and Pain’s Impact

Now, straining down to grab a lens from my camera bag is a challenge. The notion of suffering for your art has been around for a while now — believe me, I suffer. Sometimes, on those cold damp days, as I cross London Bridge to the desk I come close to tears, when the nagging pain in my shoulder; a hangover from breaking my collar in a motorbike crash, becomes a raging spiteful ogre.

A Narrowing Viewpoint

As I age, my viewpoint becomes narrower and this age-inflicted restricted angle of vision narrows my field of view. Thus I face a future of doing more with less. As a result, my shooting style is changing, evolving; most images are shot standing, fewer low, lying down shots and no more of those athletic vantage points.

Adapting to Change

As to lenses, I’m shooting longer and running around with the wide less. It’s become clear; necessity being the mother of invention, and with no option but to adapt. It’s time to put up or pack up. Time to embrace change as I attempt to put the fun back into fundamental. My job is to cope and I don’t have the luxury of failure. Fundamentally, to my core, I am a photographer and Picture Editor.

Finding New Purpose

You see, I possess an elixir and cure-all in that fascination for light, life, and all things photographic. I truly love photography and Picture Editing. All it took was redundancy. A Covid-induced hiatus. And a new job to realise how mind-bogglingly lucky I am. I survived this cutthroat business, to once again do; on a daily basis what I love so much. So, when I said I’m not the person I once was, I didn’t mean I mourn his passing but relish this new man.


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