Aboard the Charabanc of Righteous Rage

I’m not one for jumping on bandwagons, but given the circumstances, I’ll gladly leap aboard this charabanc, drop my trousers and metaphorically moon and shout at the bemused pedestrians like a drunken compositor on a works outing.

The Treacle Sponge Incident

It’s a feeling that’s been building steam like an unattended pressure cooker since Monday, and it’s time to let off steam. Lest I redecorate the cerebral kitchen with a treacle sponge—yes, that happened once.

Digital Narcissism: From AI Action Figures to Rocket Rides

Given that I have only just been banging on about the vacuous levels of self-promotion and self-impotence displayed by some in choosing to surf the viral trend for AI-generated action figures, the ultimate exercise in digital narcissism, it seems in an effort not to be undone, we now have the ultimate exercise in narcissism—period.

The Great Celestial Cock Rocket

Perhaps they read my piece, and this is the ultimate exercise in flipping the bird – riding into space in a huge penis-shaped rocket – come on, I’m not the only one who noticed.

Rocket Science and Fairy Tales

Now the claims that the New Shepard’s BE-3PM engine runs on hydrogen and oxygen and produces only “water vapour with no carbon emissions” is, and please excuse me if I get too technical – and I believe the scientific term is pure bullshit.

Even if it did just ejaculate water vapour, how do you think all the documents, parts, fuel, disposables, stupid jumpsuits, oat milk, unicorn and ginger smoothies got there?

Ferries, pixie dust, matter transfer, the Star Trek transporter, willed there by the pure mental willpower of Jeff Bezos? No. It came by van or lorry, one powered by dead dinosaurs.

Penguins, Perspective, and Planetary Cost

A 2022 World Inequality Report said that a single space flight of a few minutes emits more carbon emissions than one billion individuals will emit in their lifetime. The study also noted that an 11-minute space trip emits no less than 75 tonnes of carbon per passenger “once indirect emissions are taken into account” and that the number is more likely to be in the 250–1,000 tonnes range.

“huge penis-shaped rocket – come on, I’m not the only one who noticed”

To put that into context, given that each action figure image created on ChatGPT creates 1.16 grams CO₂e per image — that massive 75 tonnes for each of the occupants means each one of those gals could have created 64.66 million images of those virtual action figures. So think of the poor fucking penguins again.

Buzz Lightyear with a Blow-Dry

Powered by so much hot air, self-promotion, and ersatz sincerity, those real-life action figures – Miss Piggy meets Buzz Lightyear – we’ve been so blindsided to the fact that men have managed to fill infinity with hypocrisy.

Space, But Make It Male

Think. Think back and consider this. I don’t remember such a fuss when the mainly male mahogany crew that accompanied William Shatner made his real-life venture into space.

Empowerment or Ego Trip?

If the gals genuinely wanted to empower women, they could have taken up the slack left by USAID and its women’s programmes – or was this just a huge exercise in vanity? Like those action figures but on a much bigger scale, for much bigger egos, with much bigger heads?

Collateral Damage: The Penguins Again

For god’s sake, they might well have taken a shotgun — those poor bloody penguins.